IN THE LAB
(Brad and Janet are given towels)
Janet Thank you. { "Janet's on rag..." }
Brad Thank you very much. { "So's Brad" }
(Columbia and Riff Raff start to undress Brad and Janet)
{ "What do you say when Brad tries to fuck you?" }
Janet Oh! Brad!
Brad It's all right Janet. We'll play along for now and pull out
the aces when the time is right. { "You call those aces?"
}
Columbia Slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush. { "Yay Rush" }
Brad Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet
Weiss; { "Spell urinate" or "urethra" etc...} You are...
Columbia You're very lucky to be invited to Frank's laboratory. Some
people would give their right arm for the privilege. { "or
their left tit" }
Brad People like you maybe?
Columbia Ha! I've seen it.
{ "Grab something useful, Brad - like a shoe!" }
(Riff Raff pours wine into a glass, takes a swig from the
bottle, and lets it drop after Columbia says "Shift it!")
Riff Raff Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting.
{ "What do you with an uncomfortable cock?" }
Magenta Shift it.
(Janet screeches - the elevator goes up)
Janet Is he - Frank, I mean - your husband?
Riff Raff The master is not yet married, nor do I expect he ever
shall be. We are simply his { "slaves" } servants. { "same
thing" }
Janet Oh.
{ "Invisible men first, Sluts second... Assholes third...
Servants, Groupies, and Dykes to the rear" }
{ "What's your favorite color?" }
Frank Magenta, { "Where do you get your drugs?" } Columbia, go
assist Riff Raff { echo "woof-woof" }. I will entertain...
uh huh huh... (chuckle) { "The cameraman" }
Brad Brad Majors. And this is my fiancee, Janet "Vice". { "Slut"
}
Janet Weiss.
Brad Weiss? um
Frank { "Say something in French" } Enchante.
(Janet giggles)
{ "What does that mean?" }
Frank Well! How nice. { "That's not what it means" } And what
charming underclothes you both have. { "That's what it
means" } But here. Put there (smocks) on. They'll make you
feel less { "Naked" } vulnerable { "Same thing" }. It's
not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer
them... hospitality { echo "Horse-brutality" }
{ "Get tough, Brad!" }
Brad Hospitality?! All we asked was to use your telephone,
Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to
ignore.
Janet Brad, don't be ungrateful.
Brad Ungrateful! { When Brad removes his glasses: "It's super-
asshole!" "No, It's John Denver playing Brad Majors in the
Rocky Horror Picture Show" }
Frank How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of
manhood. So... dominant (crowd has a flurry of laughs). {
"If he's so dominant, why does she need glasses?" } You
must be awfully proud of him, Janet.
{ "Are you a slut?" }
Janet Well, yes I am. (giggles)
Frank Do you have a tattoos, Brad? { "How do you tattoo an
asshole?" "Whit a really small needle" }
Brad Certainly not!
Frank Oh well, how about you? (to Janet)
Janet No. (giggling) { "Show him the battleship on your chest!" }
Riff Raff Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your
(pause) { "Orgasm" } word.
{ "When's the orgy and who's invited?" }
Frank Tonight, my unconventional conventionists... you are to
witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and
paradise is to be mine... It was strange the way it
happened... suddenly you get a break... whole pieces start
to fit into place, not a sign of being... { "suck on me" }
what a fool! { "fool with me" } The answer was there all
the time, { "What was the question?" } it took a small
accident to make it happen... { "What did your parents
call you?" or "What's in your pants?" } AN ACCIDENT!
Magenta & Columbia An accident!
Frank And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive
ingredient, { "Who gives the best head on the Enterprise?"
} that spark that is the breath of life... Yes, { "Do you
know about gay sex and bondage?" } I have that
knowledge... { "What deodorant do you use that's strong
enough for a man but made for a woman?" } I hold the
secret { "To life?" } to life... { "Itself?" } itself!
{ "F" } You see... { "K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Fucky mouse, Dildo
duck... } you are fortunate for tonight is the night that
my beautiful creature is destined to be born! { echo
"fucked!" }
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